How to conduct a face-to-face discussion as a manager

As a manager, you are a facilitator. This means that you have to make sure that the people you are working with are expressing what they truly mean. How can you make sure that your conversations are meaningful? How do you make yourself understood without sounding forceful?

Key points

💡 Reframe, Repeat, Recap, and Reinforce (4R) is a communication technique that will help you have more meaningful conversations, defuse conflicts and improve collaboration. The 4Rs can be used in any order.

✅ Reframe

✅ Repeat

✅ Recap

✅ Reinforce

✅ Reframe

Reframing is about putting words back into a specific context, in order to move from the general to the specific. Use this technique when the person you are talking to is unclear or very vague.

Example:
A: “There is something wrong with VEs, they don’t work, we’re always late.”
B: “What is there in VE that you think doesn’t work?”, “Can you please give me a specific example of a VE that went wrong?”

Someone who is struggling will tend to generalize. Reframing with open questions can help center the both of you on a specific experience.

Example:
A: “This is too hard!”
B: “At what moment was it the hardest?”
or
B: “What was the hardest? Do you have an example?”

You will find reframing to be useful in PDCA and in Gemba meetings

Example: 
A: “[…] and then something broke in the login controller.”
B: “What exactly broke in the login controller? Would you mind sharing your screen and showing me the code?”

Reframing is also about setting boundaries. A healthy work relationship needs a frame of what is acceptable to say and what is not.

Example: 
A: “Why can’t they review my code? Are they f###ing lazy?”
B: “I cannot let you talk like that about a member of the team, this is not acceptable behavior”

Taking the time to reframe has multiple benefits:

  • it brings context to a conversation
  • it grounds the conversation into specifics
  • it deepens your understanding of the situation

✅ Repeat

Repeat allows the person to hear again what they just said. It also gives you time to listen and gather your own thoughts. If you have the habit of interrupting people before they can end their sentences, don’t hesitate to repeat instead.

Example: 
A: “I cannot stay one piece flow when I am waiting for my code to be reviewed.”
B: “You cannot stay one piece flow while you are waiting for a code review. Why do you think that is?”
A: “I am stuck. I can’t just wait for two hours doing nothing.”
B: “Sure. You’re can’t just wait for hours being stuck and doing nothing. Have you considered doing code reviews while you are waiting for a review yourself?”

Repeating will show that you have listened and understood what the person told you. Repeating doesn’t mean you agree. It is about giving enough space for others to speak without being judged or interrupted.

✅ Recap

Recapping is doing a general reformulation of what has been said and done. In return, the person can give a comment or a piece of feedback. This allows:

  • to make sure you understood everything they wanted to say
  • to get the last comments and feedback they would have otherwise kept to themselves
  • to make the person feel understood or at least heard
  • to transition smoothly between different topics in a long conversation

    Example: 
    B: “We went through a lot of subjects! If I can summarize, you told me that […]. Did I miss anything? Or would you like to add anything else?”
    A: “No, I think we went through everything. Thank you for listening.”

Note: You can also recap at the beginning of a conversation. This is useful where you are in a formal situation or in a meeting that requires a lot of structure such as a PDCA, a progress review or a job interview.

When you begin with a recap, you reassure people :

  • you let them know in advance what to expect
  • you ask for their consent before moving forward - hence giving them a sense of control

    Example:
     B: “In this progress review I am going to first show you your peer reviews, then we will read your self-review together. After that, I will show you the progress review I have prepared and we will end with your feedback. How does that sound?”
    A: “OK. Sounds good.”

✅ Reinforce

Reinforcing is reassuring someone about what they are doing well and validating the progress they have made so far. It helps prevents people from focusing only on what they are doing wrong.

Reinforcement is about :

  • facts : apply reinforcement on a specific action the person has done. For example, praise them for something they achieved.

    Example: 
    B: “You managed to do X, congratulations”

  • the person themselves and their own quality.

    Example: 
    B: “You are very creative”

Good reinforcement seeks to foster the growth of behaviors that are beneficial to your work relationship and to the person’s career.

References